Written Thoughts · December 30, 2020

Finding “home”

I’ve deconstructed and put together the definition of “home” several times throughout life, with all the different layers to it..

It’s one of those ideas that doesn’t have a certain definition..

I’ve gone for a while now without a “home”, completely thrown the idea out the window, and it felt like everywhere was home, a great feeling it was, my intention was to prolong it but I had to settle down for a while for financial reasons, and the stability got me thinking about that concept again, and now I feel it..

Home is that area where you can walk around in the street wearing the same clothes you sleep in because “you live there”, the area where you know everyone and everyone knows you, on different levels, and you don’t owe each other anything and have no expectations from each other.

It’s not the people, it’s not the place, but the area.. And I’ve had many of these areas that I called home throughout life, some of them I physically lived in and others I didn’t.. And as everything changes the dynamics of areas also change, and what was once a “home” turns into a place where you’re constantly on fight or flight mode, and you start feeling like you’re not “home” anymore, but it’s just how things are, you eventually find another area, and so on and so forth..

It might be just me who feels that way, it might be a city thing, or a street life thing, everyone has their own idea of home based on where they grew up and where they felt like they were who they are.. And that’s what changes the dynamic, people coming, people going, people fucking up things for other people, and it’s always the ones with the idea of a “pack” as a home that fuck things up..

Anyway, humans need “home” it’s an existential thing, and I finally realize that it’s not “people” I need or places.. it doesn’t matter where or for how long, but it’s a certain vibe of an area with certain dynamics.. For as long as it lasts, or as long as I need it to last..